🚨 Marmot Surveillance Network

MOST WANTED

The Alps' most notorious airborne offenders. Approach with snacks. Rewards payable in Mutzig 🍺.

WANTED

Dead or alive (preferably alive, and fed)

At large

Klaus von Tumble

“The Canopy”

Wanted for: Unlicensed parachuting over a busy red piste during peak season.

Danger level: Fluffy
Last seen: Le Pléney, Morzine
Reward: 12 Mutzig

WANTED

Dead or alive (preferably alive, and fed)

At large

Brigitte Bouffant

“The Brewery Bandit”

Wanted for: Grand theft of 47 ice-cold Mutzigs from the Cavern Bar cellar.

Danger level: Extremely Fluffy
Last seen: The Cavern Bar, Morzine
Reward: A whole crate of Mutzig

WANTED

Dead or alive (preferably alive, and fed)

At large

Two-Paws Pierre

“The Stowaway”

Wanted for: 147 counts of gondola fare evasion and one count of bubble-loitering.

Danger level: Mildly Fluffy
Last seen: Les Prodains cable car, Avoriaz
Reward: 8 Mutzig

WANTED

Dead or alive (preferably alive, and fed)

At large

Mad Marcel

“The Impostor”

Wanted for: Repeatedly impersonating a chamois to skip the lift queue.

Danger level: Suspiciously Fluffy
Last seen: Les Lindarets goat village
Reward: 10 Mutzig

WANTED

Dead or alive (preferably alive, and fed)

At large

Whistlin’ Wanda

“The Siren”

Wanted for: Disturbing the alpine peace with excessive, unsolicited whistling.

Danger level: Audibly Fluffy
Last seen: Pointe de Nyon ridge
Reward: 6 Mutzig

WANTED

Dead or alive (preferably alive, and fed)

At large

Sven Snøbord

“The Send-It”

Wanted for: Reckless après-ski karaoke and one unsanctioned backflip into a fondue.

Danger level: Dangerously Fluffy
Last seen: Col de la Joux Verte
Reward: 9 Mutzig

Satire disclaimer: these marmots are fictional and the mugshots are AI-generated. No marmots have criminal records. Real marmots are law-abiding, hibernating rodents who have never stolen a Mutzig in their lives. Probably.